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The International Council of Man Laws.
Category:
Bloke Jokes
Rating:
4.00
Contributor:
CHJ
 JOKE TEXT


Not since Moses has a truer set of laws been devised!!!!





The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your bosss car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If youve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mates fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mates birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boys choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whos playing.
9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), shes officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when youre sunning on a tropical beach ... and its delivered by a topless model and only when its free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless youre in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends dont let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a mans fly is down, thats his problem, you didnt see anything.
15: Women who claim they love to watch sports must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, thats just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, youd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if shes withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e.., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly just a friend have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that youre feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question What do you want for Christmas? with If you loved me, youd know what I want! gets an Xbox 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever.
27: Weve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?
BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, Youre next fatty!
I hope this clears up any confusion,



The International Council of Man Laws



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