Offensive Jokes Logo
Offensive Jokes LOL
Offensive Jokes
Offensive Jokes
Offensive Jokes
Offensive Jokes Add an Offensive Joke Top Offensive Jokes Latest Offensive Jokes Search for Offensive Jokes Contact Offensive Jokes
Offensive Jokes Categories
Login
Register
Bloke Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Cartoons
Drink Jokes
Essex Jokes
Fat Jokes
Footy Jokes
Funny News
Funny Quotes
Girly Jokes
Golf Jokes
Husband Jokes
Irish Jokes
Job Jokes
Kids Jokes
Love Jokes
Mad Jokes
Medical Jokes
Office Jokes
One Liners
Pet Jokes
Photo Jokes
Police Jokes
Political Jokes
Religious Jokes
Sex Jokes
Sports Jokes
Wife Jokes
Women Jokes
Wrinklies Jokes
 

Joke Stuff

About Offensive Jokes 
Terms & Conditions 
 
Subscribe to our newletter.

Bookmark with;   Bookmark to: Digg   Bookmark to: Del.icio.us   Bookmark to: Facebook   Bookmark to: StumbleUpon   Bookmark to: Google   Bookmark to: Twitter

Real Insurance Claims
Category:
Funny News
Rating:
0
Contributor:
mal
 JOKE TEXT


Real Insurance Claims

Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.


"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof."


"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."


"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."


Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?


The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.


"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."


"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."


"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."


"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"


"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."


Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."


"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."


"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."


"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"


"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."


"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."


"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"


"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"


"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"


"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."


"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."


"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."


"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."


No Image




Sitemap
Copyright Offensive Jokes 2006