WHAT TO DO WHEN A BLIND DATE GOES BADLY?

Clasp his/her hand tenderly as you part and say:

"This is the best time I have had since (choose one of the following):

a. "the night my car broke down near the dairy farm, and I pissed on the electric fence."

b. "my last mammogram, when the machine jammed."

c. "my date's vasectomy leaked on my new suede skirt."

d. "the IRS audit denied Grandma as a dependent, just because she runs a little 'massage parlor' in the basement."

e. "my ex-husband stopped by to introduce me to his boy friend."

f. "my girl friend dumped me, and I spent the weekend watching the roaches drive off the kitchen rats."

g. "that ski weekend I bunked with 2 really cute babes... engaged to each other."

h. "the night before my budget presentation, when Rover crapped on my laptop PC."

i. "my date got sick, and had me take out her cousin Brunhilda. Did you ever see a women wrestler crack walnuts in her armpit?"