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Health advice
Category:
Girly Jokes
Rating:
0
Contributor:
CHJ
 JOKE TEXT


I love this DOCTOR!!!!

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: Ive heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?


A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and thats it... Dont waste
them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; thats like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.






Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.






Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!






Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.






Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Cant think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!






Q: Arent fried foods bad for you?

A: Youre not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, theyre permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?






Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.






Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. Its the best
feel-good food around! !






Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.






Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! Round is a shape! !






Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember:




Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, WOO HOO, What a
Ride!


No Image




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