First Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from all the wild sex, they fell asleep awakening around 8:00pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been making love all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake until 8 o clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bast**d! You've been playing golf."


Second Affair
There was a middle aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"


The Third Affair
A man walked into a night club one night. He goes straight up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly sir, that'll be 10 pence."
"Ten pence?", exclaimed the man
The bartender replied, "Yes"
So the man glances over at the menu and asks,
"Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir." replies the bartender, "but that comes to real money."
"How much money," enquires the man.
"40 pence," the bartender replies.
"Forty pence?" exclaims the man. "Where is the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replies, "He's upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife," asks the man.
The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."