Kid's Wisdom
Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10


When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer. -
Hannah, age 9


Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, age 14


Stay away from prunes. - Randy, age 9


Never pee on an electric fence. - Robert, age 13


Don't squat with your spurs on. - Noronha, age 13


Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, age 10


When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. -
Taylia, age 11


Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school
assignment. - Traci, age 14


Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers. - Mitchell,
age 12


A puppy always has bad breath - even after eating a Tic-Tac. - Andrew,
age 9


Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, age 9


You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Armir, age 9


Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. - Kellie, age 11


If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. - Naomi, age 15


Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, age 9


Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, age
10


When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on
the phone. - Alyesha, age 13


Never try to baptize a cat. - Eileen, age 8
********************************************************************************


Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the
whole
way.


Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out
and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look
years younger.


After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle"
products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know
me, what age would you say I am?"


Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,..."Judging from your skin,
twenty; your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five."


"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his
reward, he stops her by saying...


"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up
yet!"
********************************************************************************


Today I went to the allergist, and he signed me up to get a blood test
done, to see if I'm allergic to latex.


I take the paperwork to the lab, hand it to the nurse behind the
counter, who looks at the request, adds a Post-It note that says "NO
LATEX GLOVES", and passes it back.


I'm taken inside, asked to sit down, the bloodwork technician takes the
sheet, puts on some latex gloves, notices the note, doffs the gloves,
spends about 5 minutes looking for the nitrile (non-latex) gloves, puts
them on.


Then she ties a latex tourniquet around my arm.


"Umm... maybe you shouldn't do that," I say.


"You have a latex allergy?"


"Well, I'm getting a test for latex allergy."


"You're not allergic, then?"


"I don't know if I am."


"So, why is there this note if you don't know whether you're allergic to
latex?"


"Uh..."