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You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married
and wish you were dead.
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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
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A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband
Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better
revenge than to let her keep him.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she
is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
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A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married, and by then,
it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still
alive."
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A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to
love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his
moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll
just beat him to death.
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AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with
their nine children. A blind man joins them after a
few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it
overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are
able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After
a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of
the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the
sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece
of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound
is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber
at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ...
so shut up."
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