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Things Americans say
Category:
Funny Quotes
Rating:
0
Contributor:
rettoc
 JOKE TEXT


Things Americans say.....
> ````````````````````````
> Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
> Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
> because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
> forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
> forever,"
> -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss U.S.A. contest
> ``````````````````````````````````
> "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
> world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
> but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
> -- Mariah Carey, singer
> `````````````````````````````````````````
> "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
> your life."
> -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the
> Federal Anti-smoking Campaign
> `````````````````````````````````````````````````
> "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
> -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky Basketball Forward
> `````````````````````````````````````````````
> "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
> in the country."
> -- Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.
> `````````````````````````````
> "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
> are the President."
> -- Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
> ````````````````````````````````````````````````````
> "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
> and I'm just the one to do it."
> -- A U.S. congressional candidate in Texas.
> ````````````````````````````
> "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
> -- Danny Ozark, manager of Philadelphia Phillies
> ``````````````````````````````````
> "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
> impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
> -- Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore
> ```````````````````
> "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
> -- Former president of American Motors, Lee Iacocca
> ```````````
> "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
> like Norman Einstein."
> -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst
> ````````````````````````````````````````````
> "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
> people."
> -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
> `````````````````````````````````
> "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
> -- Former U.S. President Bill Clinton
> ``````````````````
> "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
> -- Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore
> ``````````
> "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
> -- Keppel Enderbery
> ```````````````
> "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we
> received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
> reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
> -- State Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
> ````````````````````````````````````````````
> "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
> they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
> And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
> -- Mark S. Fowler, former Federal Communications Commission Chairman


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