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Rules of Manhood
Category:
Bloke Jokes
Rating:
0
Contributor:
rettoc
 JOKE TEXT


Rules of Manhood?
> >>> > >
> >>> > >01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
> >>> > >a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> >>> > >b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> >>> > >c. After wrecking your boss' car.
> >>> > >d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
> >>> > >e. When she is using her teeth
> >>> > >
> >>> > >03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally
> >>>killed and
> >>> > >eaten by his mates.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
> >>>friend out
> >>> > >of
> >>> > >jail within 12 hours.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is
> >>>off
> >>> > >limits
> >>> > >forever, unless you actually marry her.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
> >>>forbidden.
> >>> > >Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
> >>>another
> >>> > >man.
> >>> > >In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly
> >>>optional.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
> >>>not the
> >>> > >weakest.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event,
> >>>you may
> >>> >ask
> >>> > >the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
> >>>playing.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
> >>>brought her
> >>> > >to
> >>> > >climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
> >>> >flatulent
> >>> > >entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when
> >>>you're
> >>> > >sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
> >>> > >supermodel...and it's free.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
> >>>allowed to
> >>> > >kick another bloke in the nuts.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
> >>>anything.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
> >>> > >as
> >>>spies
> >>> > >until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside
> >>>or LBW)
> >>> > >and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
> >>> > >must
> >>>remain
> >>> > >sober enough to fight.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
> >>> > >of
> >>>pizza,
> >>> > >but not both - that's just mean.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be
> >>>talking
> >>> > >about his choice of beer.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of
> >>>yours,
> >>> > >except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
> >>>weights:
> >>> > >a.
> >>> > >Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c.
> >>>Another set
> >>> >and
> >>> > >we can hit the showers!
> >>> > >
> >>> > >22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
> >>>footing:
> >>> >i.e.
> >>> > >Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
> >>>situations, an
> >>> > >almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
> >>>longer
> >>> >than
> >>> > >you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
> >>>Hang up
> >>> > >if
> >>> > >necessary.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
> >>>friend"
> >>> >have
> >>> > >carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and
> >>>guilty
> >>> >is
> >>> > >no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what
> >>> > >a
> >>>big
> >>> > >mistake it was.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
> >>>acceptable for
> >>> >her
> >>> > >to drive yours.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
> >>>green,
> >>> > >orange or sky blue.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
> >>> >Christmas?"
> >>> > >with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End
> >>>of
> >>> >story.
> >>> > >
> >>> > >28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens
> >>>Gymnastics.
> >>> > >Ever.


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