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Peter Kay One liners
Category:
One Liners
Rating:
0
Contributor:
nutter
 JOKE TEXT


Peter Kay One liners



>



>



> -I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour



> said 'Are you going to help?'



> I said 'No, Six should be enough."



>



> -You know that look women get when they want sex? No? Me neither.



>



> -I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,



> 'Thyroid problem?'



>



> -When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.



> Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one



> and asked him to forgive me.



>



> -Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale



> and sold the engine?



>



> -I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go



> swimming.



>



> -I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get



> on with my real ladder.



>



> -I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I



> ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.



>



> -A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.



> Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.



>



> -Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.



> But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may



> break



> my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!



> From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.



>



> -My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably



> why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.



>



> -If we aren't supposed to eat animals,



> then why are they made out of meat?



>



> -I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and



> give the wrong answers.



>



> -Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from



> things they don't understand, such as working for a living.



>



> -I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.



>



> -Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think



> I've forgotten this before.



>



> -I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.


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