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Peter Kay One liners
>
>
> -I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour
> said 'Are you going to help?'
> I said 'No, Six should be enough."
>
> -You know that look women get when they want sex? No? Me neither.
>
> -I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
> 'Thyroid problem?'
>
> -When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
> Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one
> and asked him to forgive me.
>
> -Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale
> and sold the engine?
>
> -I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
> swimming.
>
> -I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get
> on with my real ladder.
>
> -I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
> ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
>
> -A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.
> Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
>
> -Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
> But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may
> break
> my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!
> From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
>
> -My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably
> why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
>
> -If we aren't supposed to eat animals,
> then why are they made out of meat?
>
> -I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
> give the wrong answers.
>
> -Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from
> things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
>
> -I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
>
> -Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
> I've forgotten this before.
>
> -I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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