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The Official MUFC Maths Workbook
Category:
Footy Jokes
Rating:
0
Contributor:
nutter
 JOKE TEXT


From The Official MUFC Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key
Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of the
Government's maths campaign.


1. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and Gary is 65
yards away. If Roy can run at 21mph and Gary can run at 16mph, who will be
sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face
first,
assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way.


2. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one
minute for injuries, how much injury time will be added on by the referee
if
Man Utd are losing at home?


3. Ryan is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of
internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the
miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.


4. Manchester United are one of the giants of world club football. How many
more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than Steaua Bucharest?
(For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?)


4a. How many more times have Manchester United won the European Cup than
Nottingham Forest?


5. Phil Neville has 30 international caps. If you take away the number of
appearances when he was the only adult male in England who could just about
kick the ball with his left foot, how many are left?


6. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender
does
a tumbling Ruud van Nistelrooy have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down
in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)


6a. Probability. Express the statistical probability of visitors to Old
Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of
opponents of Manchester United being awarded a penalty home or away, and
then discuss if a penalty awarded to Manchester United would be awarded to
their opponents in identical circumstances.


7. Mark "The Red" lives in Guildford. How much does it cost for him and his
two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other weekend, including
limited edition matchday programme, a few drinks and prawn sandwiches all
round? How much could he save per week if he watched his local team
instead?
(Note: Round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds).


8. Alex had a hotel room booked in Glasgow for the Champions League Final.
How much money did he lose when cancelling his reservation?


9. Ruud is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How much pressure need be
applied to make him tumble over in the opponents penalty area? (Note:
Answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as, 'However
much pressure is applied by Ferguson to referees' are accepted.)


10. Alex has won it 1 time, Bob has won it 4. Alex has one, Bob does not.
What am talking about? Explain your answer (because nobody else can).


11. Juan is a very lazy boy and often goes missing. Alex is very cross and
wants to sells him. If Juan cost 28m to buy, how much do you think Alex
sold him for? How many pennies did Alex lose?


12. What is the total number of chickens counted before they were hatched
by
Manchester United and their supporters who thought Real Madrid were a
pushover.





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