An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
>How many children?" asks the council worker
>"10" replies the Essex girl
>"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
>"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
>Wayne"
>"Doesn't that get confusing?"
>"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing
>in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S
>READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
>"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
>council worker.
>"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
>
>
>An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
>the counter.
>"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.
>"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
>"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
>
>
>Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.The man says "Choose
>from our range on the wall."
>She says "I'll take the red one."
>The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
>
>
>An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
>bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
>Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
>questions?"
>Girl: "OK"
>Medic: "What's your name?"
>Girl: "Sharon."
>Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
>Sharon: "Yes."
>Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
>Sharon: "Romford, mate."
>
>
>An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
>It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on
>the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13.
>Please be careful!"
>"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of
>them!"
>
>
>Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
>everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
>she's
>lying flat out on the floor.
>Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
>Sharon: "Ok."
>Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
>Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
>
>
>An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices
>something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.
>She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one
>of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on
>it ?
>So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
>"Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me
>roight foot
>and the one with the L is for me left foot"
>"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got
>C&A on them.
>
>
>What's an Essex Girl's favourite wine?
>"Caan we go up Laakesiide!"
>
>