The following questions were set in last years GCSE examinations in Swindon
These are genuine responses from 16 year olds

Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors
a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head