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Office Jokes

These useful quotes are allegedly from actual US federal employee performance evaluations:

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't-be.

4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

11. Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

13. He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.

14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

15. He has been working with glue too much.

16. He would argue with a signpost.

17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

19. If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.

20. A photographic memory but with the lens covered glued on.

21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.

24. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

25. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

28. It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

29 . The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

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