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How to speak Essex
Essex Jokes
D Harris

How to speak Essex !!

This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex .

A task not for the faint-hearted

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item
amant - Quantity; sum total (Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend)
assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc
awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost (That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver tday)
branna - More brown than on a previous occasion (Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?)
cort a panda - A rather large hamburger
Dan in the maff - Unhappy (Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff)
eye-eels - Womens shoes
Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre
garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper)
Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island
lafarjik - Lacking in energy (I feel all lafarjik)
OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs
paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport
reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover (I couldnt elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig)
Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TVs, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday
tan - The city of London , the big smoke
webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. (Webbats is me dole card Trace? Ive gotta sign on in arf hour)
wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police
zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. (I told ya a fazzand times already)

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