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one day, a man came home
One Liners
D Harris

one day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,"Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What
should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said.
"Just get out."

> **************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.

> **************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First,of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him
a card with the letters:'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

> **************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell
you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank
God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

> **************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE arewe going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK!Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listento me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind? Don't forget to salt them.You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. uSE THE SALT! THE SALT!"The wife stared at him. "What
in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple
of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show youwhat it
feels like when I'm driving."

> **************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
man,wasdrafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the
Armyissued him a comb.That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his
hair.On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.That
afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.On the third day, the
Army issued him a jock strapThe Army has been looking for Herman for 51

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