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Moments to Relax
One Liners

You have two choices in life:

You can stay single and be miserable, or get married

and wish you were dead.


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,

"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong


"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband

Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They

all said the same thing: "You can have mine."


When a woman steals your husband, there is no better

revenge than to let her keep him.


A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she

is finished.


A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does

it cost to get married?"

Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."


A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some

parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he

marries her?"

Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."


Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what

real happiness was until I got married, and by then,

it was too late."


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over



If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict

attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.


Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go

through life thinking they had no faults at all.


First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still



A Woman's Prayer

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to

love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his

moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll

just beat him to death.



Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with

their nine children. A blind man joins them after a

few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it

overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are

able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After

a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of

the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the

sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece

of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound

is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber

at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ...

so shut up."

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