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Once upon a time in the Kingdom
Religious Jokes

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went
missing for six days.

Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh
day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look
Michael, look what I've made," said God. Archangel
Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on
it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a
great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the
Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of
great opportunity and wealth while South America is
going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a
hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there
I've placed a continent of white people and over there
is a continent of black people." God continued,
pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot
and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed
to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the North of England, the most
glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people,
six Premiership football teams in the North West
alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of
the world's finest artists, musicians, writers,
thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from
the North of England are going to be modest,
intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the

They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and
high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the
world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then
proclaimed, "What about balance God, you said there
will be BALANCE!"

God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch
of wa*kers I'm putting in the South!"

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