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Funny Quotes


Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

R - Yeah but more than half the trip is in cold wet shittie weather & it aint free I pay shit loads of fuel taxes.

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

R - Either side is a long minute seen as some fucker always disturbs me while im taking a dump.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

R - The longer you live; the older you fuckin look & for some thats worse than others!

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

R - So shut the fucking door on the way out you happy bastard as your letting the heat out & a big heating bill want make me happy!!

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them!

R - Yeah but if they were on time you both would be jolly so some fucking friend thats always late!

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

R - Then take ya Walkman off before your burried you stingy twat and leave it in you will to some poor bastard that aint got one.

If shops are lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

R - yeah but they only lower the prices on shit you dont need & stick a few cents on the things you actually need, how else do you think they make the same profit or more each year.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

R - you will proberbly now owe the world to alot of people including bank managers, so why doesnt this person who thinks the world of you pay it all off and give you the fukin world back.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

R - Or people a to fucking dumb to think it was a mistake or that the mistake was funny in the first place, it may have been funny to them but not to the person they shit on!

Don't cry because it's over; Smile because it happened.

R - What you smiling & crying about; that you just farted. or you some wingie git that carnt say goodbye! without a tear buck your ideas up you soft pussy twat.

We could learn a lot from crayons: Some are sharp, some are pretty; Some are dull, some have weird names; and all are different colors.... But, they all exist very nicely in the same box.

R - yeah but there always one crayon thats got some DNA off another crayon all over them; and there is always one or two crayons that break when using them kinda like slaves & the most popular ones always run out first after they've had all the fun.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

R - its only because they wont admit there fucking lost!

Have an awesome day, and know that someone who thinks you're great, has thought about you today!..

R - Fuck off why the fuck would i waste my time thinking about someone that is thinking of me, fucking pick up the phone & tell em you want to shag them.

"And that person was me."..... Please don't keep this message to yourself.....send it to those who mean so much to you.... "NOW"

R - What a lot of shit Ive never heard so much pussy ass dribble in my life; in fact get alife you boring twat I can see you now who ever wrote this sat in your house thinking of someone thinking of you with all your doors wide open waiting for some happiness to come in & show your the scenery of life, KISS MY ASS go out get wasted drunk off ya face fuck all & everyone become a wanker and stick crayons in the eyes of people just like you... god dam! yes im not a believer im a class 'A' drug user with a fucking great life spanking myself off all over this free trip round the sun!

Love Rittchie x

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