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The questions below about Australia
Mad Jokes

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.

>They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers

>are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously

>have a sense of humour.


>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on

>TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).

>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around

>watching them die.


>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad


>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.


>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.


>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me

>a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville! and Hervey Bay?


>A: What did your last slave die of?


>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?


>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

>Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which

>does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday

>night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

>A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here

>and we'll send the rest of the directions.


>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,

>which is...oh forget it.Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every

>Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come



>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (! UK)

>A: You are a British politician, right?


>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year

>round? (Germany)

>A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers.

>Milk is illegal.


>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense

>rattlesnake serum. (USA)

>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

>Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

>make good pets.


>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I

>forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out

>of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

>You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before

>you go out walking.

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