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Peter Kay One liners
One Liners

Peter Kay One liners



> -I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour

> said 'Are you going to help?'

> I said 'No, Six should be enough."


> -You know that look women get when they want sex? No? Me neither.


> -I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,

> 'Thyroid problem?'


> -When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.

> Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one

> and asked him to forgive me.


> -Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale

> and sold the engine?


> -I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go

> swimming.


> -I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get

> on with my real ladder.


> -I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I

> ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.


> -A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.

> Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.


> -Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.

> But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may

> break

> my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!

> From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.


> -My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably

> why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.


> -If we aren't supposed to eat animals,

> then why are they made out of meat?


> -I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and

> give the wrong answers.


> -Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from

> things they don't understand, such as working for a living.


> -I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.


> -Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think

> I've forgotten this before.


> -I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

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